Conflict Resolution

I definitely do not get upset with people, nor have people upset with me often. As a result, when one of my best friends got upset because of a prank I went too far with, I was a bit at a loss of what to do. My sister Shelley and some of her friends, Sarah, Rebekah, and Lauren had had Rebekah first knock on William's door to ask about the bonfire they were supposed to have. Of course William had never seen Rebekah and so was somewhat mystified, however, canceled the bonfire and so Rebekah left. Then she came back 10 minutes later and asked to use the bathroom, used it and then left. About 30 minutes later, as William was watching TV he looked over and freaked out when he saw her staring in at him from the corner of the window! He then proceeded to call me and I of course knew what was going on but played along, then called my sister and friends and laughed about it. I then went over to visit/protect (wink) William and Ben. They were both a little freaked out, I guess even more than I recognized. Anyway, the girls had made me promise to keep my mouth shut until Wednesday because they were going to surprise William at Bible Study. As a result, while at his place I had to deflect some questions, which is not easy to do with William being one of my best friends and all. So anyway, the girls surprised him, but William got upset mainly because I had not told him about what was going on when I should have seen they were upset and because I had walked on ice/deceive Him about what I knew the girls were doing when he asked. Of course I immediately wanted to fix everything that night after Bible study, but William (though unstated) had wisely decided to let the emotions die down and talk it out Thursday night, which we ended up doing. I ended up having to apologize for not telling William earlier since he was seriously perturbed and for not being honest with him. However, we were able to work things out and now I think our friendship is stronger for it.

I learned so much from this experience, which is the main reason I am sharing it. First that I must continue to be as open as possible with people and never intentionally mislead them. I need to continue to be willing to ask for forgiveness. When I am emotional I can say stuff I should not. I often will need to take some time to step back to remove my emotions from the situation and to give the other person the time to do the same. We need to both be ready to discuss things before we jump in to trying to resolve the conflict because we may make it worse by, in a fit of emotion, saying something we do not mean. I need to step back whether I am in a misunderstanding where someone gets their feelings hurt or if I am in a relationship where we have hurt each other. I also need to state that I need some time to process things. During that time of stepping back, both people need to work out clearly what they are upset about for them to be able to have a productive conversation.

I also found out that I have very little idea what it means to be committed to a relationship. My respect for couples who really "know how to fight" has grown by leaps and bounds. I am thankful that even though it was a tough day to go through, that I have a good and wise friend in William who knew enough to be able to step back for a day, and was committed enough to our relationship to forgive and move on as good friends. It is truly amazing to have great friends! Now off to hide and go seek in cars! (Someday I am going to learn to put pictures on this thing-like maybe when my senior design project to build an AWESOME robot is done!).